Marriage
MARRIAGE
The Foundation of the Family and All of Society
If you want to be a great parent, you need to be an amazing spouse. This is where the grace for family life comes from – the sacrament of matrimony! But so often we forget this and couples spend most of their time and energy on their children because their needs are so urgent. But you can never forget that before you were mommy or daddy, you were a bride and a groom.
Every couple will have times in which love is a decision. In those moments we know it is not your love that sustains your marriage, but it is your marriage that sustains your love. We want to share with you relationship tools, stories from other couples, and give you opportunities to focus on your marriage to make it stronger. Having a vibrant marriage is not always easy, but it is worth it because your marriage matters!
4 Min Listen
Your Marriage is Always Important
What do we think is important for your marriage?
- Unity between couples is the essential element that makes all the difference. Without it, nothing works. With it, couples can conquer all the difficulties in the world.
- To grow together, you need to be intimate. Learn how to be unveiled with each other – emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.
- Communication is key. Making time to sit and talk with your spouse about important issues and learning how to listen are essential skills in marriage.
- Relationships are built with the material of time. Couples must create space in their lives for daily connections, weekly or monthly date night, and a yearly getaway without the children.
- When you entered into a covenant relationship with your spouse on your wedding day, God entered into your relationship in a permanent, intimate way. Turn to Him!
At the Messy Family Project, we give you the opportunity, tools, and inspiration to grow in love with each other. Take advantage of our downloads, date nights, courses, and our getaways to make your marriage all it can be not just for you, but for your children and even for all of society.
Podcasts on Marriage
394
60 Min Listen
MFP 394: NFP- Love, Life, and Learning Self-Control
“Catholic couples don’t discern if they should have a child, they discern if they should postpone pregnancy. These are two different conversations. ”
This re-release of a 2015 episode presents Natural Family Planning as more than a technique: it’s a way of living that contrasts sharply with a culture focused on control and convenience. We explore how modern society tends to “engineer” outcomes, even in areas like fertility, while NFP invites couples to cooperate with the natural design of the body, integrating both faith and science. This approach requires intentional communication, shared decision-making, and a willingness to embrace sacrifice, particularly through periodic abstinence. Rather than seeing these challenges as burdens, we can view them as opportunities for growth in virtue, deeper unity, and trust in God.
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60 Min Listen
NFP- Love, Life, and Learning Self-Control
Key Takeaways
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Catholic teaching on marriage holds love and life together.
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Marriage is both unitive and procreative, meaning sex is meant to express love between spouses while remaining open to the possibility of new life.
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Humanae Vitae was not just a rule, but a prophetic warning.
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The Church warned that widespread acceptance of contraception would lead to moral decline, marital infidelity, loss of respect for women, abuse of power, and a distorted sense of control over the human body.
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Responsible parenthood requires prayerful discernment, not pressure or guilt.
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Couples are called to use reason, wisdom, Church teaching, and honest prayer to discern whether they are ready for another child, taking into account physical, emotional, psychological, economic, and family circumstances.
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Natural Family Planning can be hard, but it can also form couples in love and self-gift.
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NFP requires discipline, communication, patience, and sacrifice. It can bring struggles, especially around affection, desire, and misunderstanding, but it also invites spouses to love each other beyond physical intimacy alone.
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Children are a blessing, not a burden or a lifestyle accessory.
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While raising children is demanding, they are one of the greatest fruits of marriage. They change, challenge, and sanctify parents, and families should not measure children only by cost, convenience, or cultural expectations.
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Couple Discussion Questions
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Do you feel like we communicate openly about family size, timing, and fertility decisions?
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How do you experience the “sacrifice” aspect of NFP?
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What kind of family culture do we want to build around life, children, and generosity?
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How can we better support each other during more difficult seasons?
Resources
🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project!
390
50 Min Listen
MFP 390: What Happens After the Romance Fades?
Have you ever felt distant from your spouse, like you’re simply coexisting in the same house or experiencing dryness in your marriage? Every marriage goes through natural cycles of romance and disillusionment, but without intentional actions, indifference can creep in. How do you break out of that indifference and reconnect? In this re-release of Episode 089, we give simple and practical advice for couples to escape indifference and rebuild a happy, healthy marriage.
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50 Min Listen
What Happens After the Romance Fades?
Key Takeaways
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Love is a decision, not a feeling. When we recommit ourselves to our relationship things can start to improve.
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“In losing your life, you will save it” – Give yourself away. You can’t control your spouse, but you can take action and start to love unconditionally.
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Pursue your spouse through affirmation, physical love, and by praying for them.
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Do it now – immediately. Delaying only makes things worse. The sooner you can reorient yourselves towards each other, the easier it wll be.
Couple Discussion Questions
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How much quality time do we actually spend together each week? Do we talk mostly about logistics, or do we share our hearts?
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What types of affection make each of us feel most connected?
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What would be a simple way to start praying together more consistently?
Resources
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MFP Episode 015: Five Love Languages
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MFP Episode 054: Vulnerability in Marriage
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MFP Resource: Communication in Marriage
🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project!
388
47 Min Listen
MFP 388: Your Husband is Not a Home Improvement Project
“A complaint focuses on a specific behavior, but criticism attacks a person’s very character.”
John Gottman
This episode focuses on how criticism in marriage, especially towards husbands, can quietly damage connection and respect if it targets a person’s character instead of addressing specific behaviors. Many wives fall into patterns of correcting or pointing out faults, often with good intentions, but this can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, and a negative cycle in the relationship. In this episode, Mike and Alicia emphasize the importance of expressing concerns calmly and specifically, assuming goodwill, and building up your spouse through affirmation rather than constant critique. They encourage taking responsibility for your own tone and approach, choosing respect over being “right,” and fostering a spirit of partnership that strengthens the marriage instead of eroding it. Re-release of MFP044.
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46 Min Listen
Your Husband is Not a Home Improvement Project
Key Takeaways
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Criticism attacks identity, complaints address behavior
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Respect matters more than being “right”
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Assume the best, not the worst – Timing and tone are everything
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Focus on your own growth first
Couple Discussion Questions
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Are there specific words or habits of mine that make you feel discouraged or unappreciated?
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Do you notice any patterns where we fall into criticism and defensiveness? What usually triggers those moments for us?
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Is there something you wish I understood better about why you do certain things?
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How can I bring up concerns in a way that feels encouraging instead of critical?
Resources
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MFP Episode 369: Marriages Don’t Accidentally Communicate Well
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MFP Blog: Arguing with Your Spouse
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MFP Guide: Communication in Marriage
🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project!
386
84 Min Listen
MFP 386: How to Have a Whole and Happy Marriage
“When you feel you can’t give any more, ask yourself, ‘Can I say YES to one act of connection?'”
Pat & Kenna Millea
If you’ve ever wondered why communication in marriage can feel so easy at first and then surprisingly hard, this conversation is for you. In this episode of the Messy Family Project, Pat and Kenna Millea share honest, hopeful wisdom about what’s really going on beneath conflict and disconnection. They remind us that our desire to be known and united is good, and that even struggles can point us toward deeper love. With practical insight like the “Four Cs” of conflict and a refreshing take on vulnerability, they offer simple ways to reconnect, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. It’s real, encouraging, and deeply worth your time.
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84 Min Listen
Fighting the Slow Drift in Marriage
Key Takeaways
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Conflict points to connection, not failure
The tension couples feel often comes from a deep desire to be known and united. That longing is a good sign. -
Communication requires vulnerability
Real intimacy, both emotional and physical, depends on openness. Even subtle coercion breaks trust. -
The Four Cs create a path through conflict
Calm yourself first, connect with your own feelings, commit to the relationship, then address the issue. -
Small acts of connection matter
When you feel empty, ask what you can give. Even one small “yes” can begin to rebuild closeness.
Couple Discussion Questions
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When we experience conflict, do we tend to focus more on being right or staying connected? What would it look like to shift that?
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In moments when I feel like I have nothing to give, what is one small act of connection I could still offer you?
Resources
https://martincenterforintegration.com/podcast
🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project!
385
54 Min Listen
MFP 385: Fighting the Slow Drift in Marriage
“Relationships are built with the material of time.”
Strong marriages don’t happen by accident—they require intentional time, attention, and sacrifice. This episode encourages couples to prioritize their relationship above the busyness of family life, stay connected through meaningful communication, and regularly invest in their friendship through date nights and shared experiences. Mike and Alicia highlight the importance of recognizing and responding to each other’s needs, guarding against the slow drift apart that can happen over time, and keeping Christ at the center of the marriage through prayer and shared faith. They call couples to be proactive in nurturing their love so their relationship remains a source of strength and stability for the entire family.
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54 Min Listen
Fighting the Slow Drift in Marriage
Key Takeaways
- Act like you are in love
- Find common/shared loves
- Leave the children and invest in each other
- Take time to connect daily
- There are ways to make the struggle of marriage easier – physical relationship
Couple Discussion Questions
- When was the last time we had a meaningful, uninterrupted conversation?
- Do we tend to talk mostly about logistics, or do we make time for deeper connection?
- What do you enjoy most when we spend time together?
- What is one step we could take to grow spiritually together?
Resources
- MFP Mini-Marriage Retreat Guide: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/mini-marriage-check-in/
- MFP Communication in Marriage Guide: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/communication/
🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project!
371
62 Min Listen
MFP 371: How Vulnerability Is Built in Small Moments
“Love is not a feeling. It’s a daily choice, a habit practiced proactively.”
What if intimacy isn’t built in the big moments, but in the small ones you almost miss? In this episode, we explore the idea of bids for connection, the everyday ways we reach for each other through a question, a touch, a story, or even a glance across the room. We talk about what happens when those bids are noticed and met with kindness, and what slowly unfolds when they are ignored. You’ll hear how responsiveness, presence, and emotional generosity shape trust, passion, and long-term happiness more than grand romantic gestures ever could. If you want a stronger, closer relationship, this conversation will help you see the simple choices that build intimacy over time.
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62 Min Listen
How Vulnerability Is Built in Small Moments
Couple Discussion Questions
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What are some small bids that you make that I may not always notice?
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What is one simple way we could turn toward each other more consistently this week?
Key Takeaways
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Bids are everyday requests for connection.
They can be verbal or nonverbal, big or small, serious or playful. -
Turning toward builds trust and intimacy.
Consistent responsiveness creates emotional safety and closeness. -
Ignored bids create distance over time.
Missed or rejected bids often lead to frustration, criticism, and disconnection. -
Vulnerability grows through small, repeated moments.
Clear, honest bids and kind responses strengthen intimacy more than grand gestures.
Resources
The Case for Centering your Life around Romantic Love
Why Small Gestures Matter in Connection in Relationship
Gottman Institute: Paying More Attention to Bids
🙏 If this ministry has blessed you, please consider supporting the Messy Family Project!