“The family is where children discover how to be human.”
– Archbishop Charles Chaput

Over and over again people ask us how to help their kids get along with each other.  We usually respond that of course their kids don’t get along – because they are kids!  That is what you are doing as a parent.  You are the ones teaching them how to live at peace with other human beings in the world and they are practicing what you teach them in your home!  This is the training ground for their lives.  But that doesn’t mean that parents do nothing.  There are important lessons that parents need to teach their children at home so they can learn key social skills and have great relationships with their siblings not just while they are under your roof, but for the rest of their lives.  Listen to this re-release of our 2016 podcast on this subject.

Key Takeaways:

• Be open to giving your children as many siblings as possible.

• Don’t always intervene.  Let your children alone to work things out on their own.

• Help them value differences between different personalities by learning to appreciate each other.

• Teach them how to forgive and repair relationships when they are broken.

Couple Discussion: 

• How can we structure our home routine to foster better relationships between our children?

• Do we intervene too much in sibling conflicts?  Not enough?

• Have we taught our children how to ask for forgiveness?  If not, how can we do this?

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“Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to set a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not within our relationships.” – Mike and Alicia

At a few of our events, we have gotten questions from older parents who ask what to do about adult children who have cut them out of their lives.  At first we were surprised by this question, since the parents who attend our events are usually not ax-murderers or reprobates.  But then we realized that this seems to be a disturbing trend in our culture – young people who find fault with their parents and therefore choose to disown them.  Because we serve parents, we wanted to give a different take on the “wisdom of the world” and challenge our listeners to set boundaries and be healthy, but in a way that still honors the commandment that God gave us to honor your mother and father.  Yes, some of us have grown up in dysfunctional homes, but that does not mean that our families of origin should still have power over us.  Listen in as we help color in some gray to a discussion that is far from black and white.  

Key Takeaways:

• No one should have the right to “push our buttons”.  We need to be free in our relationships even when people are unhealthy.

• Boundaries are good things to keep our families peaceful.

• You can’t replace your family – for good or for bad, they belong to you and you belong to them. 

• One of the Ten Commandments is to honor your father and mother.  This is God’s idea, not ours and it needs to be taken very seriously

Couple Discussion:

• How can we honor our father and mother appropriately?  

• How would we want our children to treat us someday? 

• What are good boundaries for our holiday visits with family? 

Resources

• Dennis Prager Video: https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_8266139

• Great article from Catholic Psych – https://www.catholicpsych.com/blog/a-catholic-approach-to-dealing-with-difficult-relationships 

Forgiveness- Shalom series https://www.shalomworld.org/episode/forgiveness-in-the-family-susan-and-urby-potvin

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“The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child ” – Mike and Alicia   

A child’s temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child’s deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control.  Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict.  Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations.  In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D’s of temper tantrums.  Determine, diffuse, distract, and – when all else fails – Done.  In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom.  Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse.  

Key Takeaways:

• Determine

• Diffuse

• Distract

• Done

Couple Discussion:

• When do our children have meltdowns? Why? 

• What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums? 

• How can we be more effective in responding to our children’s tantrums?

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“You are called to have great hearts here, counter-cultural and brave.  You can build something better, freer, more generous, and nobler, beginning in your own home.” – Bishop Thomas Olmstead, Complete My Joy 59

Man and woman coming together to build a home is a natural experience that has happened over and over again since the creation of the world, but we need to keep learning about what marriage is for and how to nourish this essential communion.  In this interview with Mike and Sharon Phelan we discuss how marriage can be transformational in the lives of men and women and a path to the true flourishing of the individual.  The problems are coming from a culture that is lying to us and pointing us in all different directions.  We discuss the concept of “submission” and “headship” as well as NFP – the good, the bad and the ugly.  Join in this conversation and find wisdom from this Catholic couple.  

Key Takeaways:

• Marriage is like ballroom dancing – without a leader, there is no dance.

• Men need a mission!  And that mission should be to enable their wives to be a mother who is strong, beautiful and free. 

• NFP unpacks the mystery of a woman’s body to her husband (and sometimes to herself!)

• Following the Church’s teaching on marital sexuality changes us! Even if we don’t fully understand or agree, acting in a virtuous way promotes virtue.   

Couple Discussion:

• How is does our marriage “dance” look right now?  How can we do this better? 

• Are we in “awe” of our ability to bring children into the world?  How does this effect our marital relations? 

• How can we learn more about the Church’s teaching on marriage and family? 

Resources

• Complete My Joy – apostolic exhortation written by Bishop Thomas Olmstead

• The Mission of the Family video series

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“An important element in forming Christian maturity in teens is creating a ‘Yes’ culture in the home, where a child can take risks, try new things, and find out more about who they are all while under your guidance.” – Mike and Alicia

With the advent of the sexual revolution in the 60s and 70s and the subsequent increase in teen sexual activity, the response of the Christian community in the 80s and 90s was to make dating among conservative Christian teens verboten.  Among many good Catholic families, there is still a wide range of opinions on when kids should start dating, even among other families that we really respect.  We have allowed our older teens to date and in this podcast we explain why.  Like most of what we do, we have not guided our kids perfectly every time, but we have done it intentionally and we have learned some things over the years that we can share with you.  Listen in to this podcast on mentoring kids during this essential time of development.  

Key Takeaways:

• Not all dating is the same – there are different levels.

• We need to prepare our children for healthy relationships and this includes giving them dating guidance.  How you do that is up to you, but it needs to be done. 

• Create a YES culture in your home.  Freedom and responsibility go together

• Casual dating is for teens, serious dating is when you are ready for marriage – in college and beyond.  Don’t confuse them. 

Couple Discussion:

• Have we created a yes culture in our home? 

• What was our dating experience like? What would we like our children to imitate from our experience?  Avoid? 

• What are our “rules for dating” for our children?

References to be included in summary: 

• Preview for The Dating Project movie here 

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“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world” – CS Lewis

Life can be hard.  Sometimes, in response to difficulties, instead of turning to the Lord in our pain, we self-medicate which can lead to addictions of one kind or another which only leads to more pain in the long run.  In this podcast, we hear the story of Ched and Nanette Salasek, Catholic parents of six children who have a story that every couple needs to hear.  Even if you haven’t struggled with addiction, you can learn from the lessons that they share about the healing grace of the sacrament of marriage, the role of the Blessed Mother in their family, and surrendering everything to the Lord.  Listen in to this inspiring and hopeful conversation.  

Key Takeaways:

• The only path to freedom is through individual surrender.  No one can do it for us.  

• The role of a spouse in helping an addict is one of support and prayer and constant surrender. 

• God doesn’t want just our external actions – He wants our hearts! 

Couple Discussion:

• Are there areas of our life that we have not surrendered to God?  

• Do we have addictions in our life that are ruling us?  Are there areas that are out of control? 

• How has God used our failings to draw us closer to Himself? 

References to be included in summary: 

• Dare to Surrender Book – https://amzn.to/3QqlAOA

Download here